Danni Lupone – the Quadruple Threat June 22, 2007

I have a new career venture!  I’m going to be writing musicals.  Yes, I know this sounds amazingly confident.  But when have I not had unrealistic expectations for myself? 

Actually, I have been mulling this around in my brain for a few years now.  And who am I kidding?  If there is anyone to change the face of musical theatre – it is Dan Travis.   NOT DUNCAN SHEIK!  I am very musical – I can write well – with drafts – not like my blog shit  (your lucky if I proof read this drivel)…and I am a theatre genius.  This is my new claim to fame.   But honestly – I have been so fed up with the theatre I have seen!  I want to change everything.  I hate JukeBox musicals. They are a cop-out!  But movies – the one thing that is selling right now – are good movies made into musicals.  You need an established name to make a buck/show. (Okay – not all the time – but just let it go…) 

Here is the list of movies that I am going to make into musical theatre.p.s. – if you steal these – or tell anyone about this – I will kill you.p.p.s. – I’ll explain why they are brilliant after the list… 

1.      Fargo

2.    Rosemary’s Baby

3.     Grizzly Man

4.    The Witches (Book)

5.     Robyn Byrd  

Fargo –

This will not be campy.  Broadway has a current trend of making shows of this manner campy.  This will be perfect – like the movie.  It is a comedic thriller – in the vain of Sweeney Todd – but much simpler.  Here is the pit – A musical Saw – Harp – Violin – Cello – Kettle drum – piano.  The set will be bare and white.  The backdrop will be a gigantic projection screen.  This will be for white-out snow effects and the car chase scene.  I would also like a giant Paul Bunyan statue next to the proscenium.  Also everytime someone dies the stage will turn bright red – like the whistle in Sweeney.  Another brilliant staging idea…I’m going to have Margie shoot into the audience after the wood chipper scene.  I think that would be scary  - to have the murderer run into the audience and then Margie shoots blanks at him.  Weee!  I would also like to incorporate the beautiful/haunting Fargo theme. I have talked to the Saw Lady in Time Square – she is interested.  Now I just need some time.  After all – if there was anyone the Cohen Brothers would give the rights to – it would be me.  I am a fellow Minnesotan. 

Rosemary’s Baby –

This will be a parlor musical.  A parlor musical with a very sixties feel.  Like Promises Promises, or Applause – with a Burt Bacharach nod.  I would like it eerie too.  I love the theme from Rosemary’s Baby – perhaps a gargoyle from The Dakota could sing this song.  The comic relief would be with the Castevets.  I love this duo – they are perfect.  I feel like this movie lends itself perfectly to a musical – the movie is too long however, but that can be fixed.  I would also like a lot of naked modern dance with the witches.  In Rosemary’s Devil Dreams – this can be very theatrical and fucked up – I’m so excited!  

Grizzly Man –

This will be campy!  Even though it is based on a man who “helped” bears and then one ate him.  It is a fabulous documentary – but I think it is one of the funniest things ever!  The man is crazy and there needs to be a musical about his time with the Grizzly bears.  There will be dancing bears.  Ribbon dancing.  A song with Allah, Jesus, and a Hindu Floaty thing.  A song about Wendy’s poop.  Cursing the National Park Service.  It will be one hell of a show!  ~ “I won’t listen to the tapes!”  p.s. -  I will star as Timothy Treadwell! 

The Witches –

Yes, the witches – I won’t base it off the movie.  The book is perfect – I will use the book.  Catherine Zeta Jones will be starring as the Grande High Witch!  That is really all I know so far.  I have no idea – what we would do with all the mice – we’ll think of something.  Matilda – might be a good musical too.  Actually – it would be a really good musical – add Matilda to my list.  Matilda’s parents and the Trunchbull -  perfect!

Robyn Byrd –

Robyn has/had a show on PAC.  She has mall bangs and gorgeous outfits and she plays porn from the 80’s.  How we will make it into a musical – I don’t know yet.  But New Yorkers would love it.

Here is a clip of the theme from Rosemary’s Baby (sorry it is a “lame picture” montage):

Here is the trailer from Fargo:

 

Here is a clip of the Grizzly Man (watch the whole clip):

I love Werner – he is the narrator!